Slider
by My God Can Beat Up Your God
Summary: She thought she had the Naruto world all figured out, but as it turns out, predicting the plot was a lot harder when you weren't the only person who got sucked in. "SI?/OC" with some twists.
1. Enter the Ninja

**A/N: Just a hint: this might not be what it seems. Don't say I didn't warn you. If you have questions, I'd be happy to answer them, though (spoilers aside!). Suggestions and feedback always appreciated. **

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><p>Chapter I: Enter the Ninja<p>

* * *

><p>"Miss?"<p>

A man's voice echoed in her head, far off and distorted, as if it was coming through a filter or projected from another room. Was he talking to her?

"Miss, are you alright?"

The voice was much louder this time, clear and sharp.

"You've been staring into space for the past few minutes," the man said, placing a hand on her shoulder from behind.

She jolted from the touch, and her eyes snapped into focus.

"Not that it's any of my business, but you're holding up the line."

Everything was suddenly crisp, and she looked around her, stunned and utterly disoriented.

"Um, sorry…" Without thinking, she stepped forward, taking in the scene in front of her. She was standing in front of a long, rectangular counter at a food stand of some sort: there were people waiting in line behind her, and several customers sat in stools along a bar area, some eating silently while others conversed in low, jovial tones.

Her attention was drawn back to the counter at the sound of the cashier impatiently clearing her throat.

"You still need to pay," the woman said, fingers tapping lightly on the take-out box that was sitting on the counter.

_Um… Where am I? Oh god. Worry about that later. Quick, think of something to say. _

She had learned many useful lessons over the course of her life. Some lessons, of course, were more useful than others, and the most useful lesson was this: when you zone out in the middle of a public place, always pretend like you know _exactly_ what's going on. Okay, maybe for a normal, generally-aware-of-their-surroundings type of person, this would be less useful, but for someone who frequently spaced out, daydreamed, and regularly tuned out the normal occurrences of everyday life?

_Incredibly _useful_._

"Oh! Right, pay, of course."

_I'm normal, I swear._

Mechanically, she reached down for her purse, only to find herself grabbing thin air. Where…? Oh no. Not this again.

"Gah… my purse, it's gone!"

Panicking, she continued to fruitlessly grasp through the air for her obviously not-present purse, as if perhaps _maybe _it would magically appear if she just stood there long enough. _Oh god, did I leave it at my house again? At the coffee shop? …Did I leave it on the bus?!_

She heard the cashier sigh. "Did you check your pouch?" The woman said pointedly, eyeing somewhere below her waist.

"Pouch?"

Following suit, she looked down and saw a black pouch wrapped snuggly around her leg, half-hidden from view beneath her dress.

That was… weird. She didn't remember putting on a red dress, and she was pretty sure she didn't even own any black pouches. But then, her memory was… questionable at best. And maybe her vision was playing tricks on her, but the ground seemed closer than she remembered…

"_Miss_…"

"S-sorry..!" She stuttered, quickly diving her hand towards the pouch. She opened it, blindly grabbed for the contents, and pulled out a handful of coins.

_Thank goodness… _

She tossed the coins onto the counter, and froze when she realized that she didn't recognize the currency.

Had she gotten lost in a foreign country again? She was never going to hear the end of this…

Quickly grabbing the take-out container, she left all of the coins on the counter—the woman didn't seem to be complaining, so it must have been enough—and scurried out of line.

She got about twenty feet before panic set in.

Rows of buildings stood on either side of her, separated by a large dirt road: the architecture looked modern and strangely familiar, but…

Where the hell was she? Where was _here_? And… Oh god. This was setting a new record for her, really. It was actually quite impressive.

She'd managed to space out so hard that she'd _forgotten her own name._ Was that even possible?!

_Quick, status check. Name? No idea. Age? Drawing a blank. Location? Um…_

Her brow furrowed as she tried to piece together what she _did _remember: she had vague memories of attending school, participating in club activities, hanging out with her friends… but their faces were blurry, the details just out of reach.

Absently, she wondered if she should be more upset about this. Sure, she was currently standing the middle of a fairly busy road, looking utterly terrified, but… Logic told her that yes, she should be frightened. Amnesia was not normal. Coming to your senses in the middle of ordering take-out was also very definitely not normal, and having all of this occur in some sort of foreign country was… well, you know. Dangerous.

More importantly, her purse was missing.

_Someone probably mugged me_. _And I liked that purse, I think. I mean, I don't remember what it looked like, but I'm almost positive I liked it. _

And that meant…

She glanced down at the red dress she was wearing, at the black pouch she did not recognize, and sucked in a sharp breath. She wasn't wearing her own clothes, and she had amnesia.

_Oh god. Somebody pr-probably... probably... _

All of the blood drained from her face as she was swarmed with images of faceless men grabbing her clothing, groping her, coupled with images of herself fruitlessly struggling to get away—she could even imagine herself cry out, "N-no! Please s-stop! What are you doing? Aaaaaah!"

"Oh, hey!"

She blinked, momentarily snapping out of her self-induced panic. An oddly familiar man was walking towards her, lightly waving a hand in greeting. His dress was odd, and maybe someone else's eyes would have been drawn towards the scar across his nose, but it was the sight of the silver hitai-ate resting innocently across his forehead that knocked the wind from her lungs.

That was… it was… "Iruka…?"

No. It was just not possible.

Iruka smiled at her. "Picking up lunch for the team?"

There was silence. She was staring up at him with large, comically wide eyes.

"Um…. Sakura, are you okay?" Iruka's smile dropped.

If her silence hadn't been an indicator that something was seriously wrong, the sight of his ex-student bursting into tears and falling dramatically to the floor in a heap definitely tipped him off.

"N-no, I'm not alright!" Sakura sobbed, tears beginning to stream down her cheeks. "I've been mugged, kidnapped, _violated, I have no idea where I am _and now I'm so traumatized that I've managed to convince myself that I've been sucked into Naruto as some sort of coping mechanism!"

With that, Iruka also found himself at a complete loss for words.

* * *

><p>Sakura's first new lesson upon entering the world of Naruto: When you crumple into a ball in the middle of town and loudly shout out something along the lines of "Help, I've been raped!", your ex-Academy instructor will then escort you to Konoha's hospital, where you will be poked and prodded and spend the next several hours convincing the hospital staff that you were actually just kidding ("Ha-ha, no, really…"). Yes, it might have been in poor taste, but you really just forgot where you were, and you've been having a lot of trouble with your memory and maybe just hallucinated a tad…<p>

Sakura's second lesson was that Konoha's doctors took that sort of statement very seriously (because apparently dissociative amnesia was a thing), and that admitting to frequent memory loss got you escorted down to the psych ward for a full evaluation. Fortunately, instead of asking her questions about what she remembered about herself, the doctors kept asking her about how she was sleeping, was she eating any better, and had her nightmares started dying down yet? Her file indicated that her genin team had recently returned from the Land of Waves, after all, and apparently Sakura hadn't been coping very well with it.

Sakura didn't remember any of this happening in the manga, but by God, she was going to play that up for all it was worth. Because she _was _terrified, and she _did _have amnesia.

The only problem?

Her amnesia was about her own life, not Sakura's.

Oh, sure, she didn't remember much about Sakura's life either: it's not as if the manga focused much on the day to day lives of its characters, after all. Still, when you remembered more about a piece of manga you've read than what you were doing yesterday, there was a problem.

When you remembered the name a fictional character but couldn't remember your _own _name, there was a _big damn problem._

Methodically, Sakura found herself sorting through her memories, trying to figure out what she did and didn't know. She was able to list off a handful of other manga novels, which she usually read on her way home. She definitely had some non-identifying knowledge of her world and even some situation-specific memories—like attending high school—but everything else was curiously blank. She knew she had friends and family, but she couldn't for the life of her remember their names or faces.

A few bouts of crying hysterically, a few well-played states of pretend-catatonia—and one or two instances of actually zoning out, but that really couldn't be helped—and Sakura successfully managed to get herself discharged early. One would think catatonic behavior would get you committed, but Konoha's psych ward seemed more interested in questioning people and less interested in actually treating severe mental problems.

She was escorted home by her parents, who spent the walk home loudly lamenting their decision to send their poor, pink-haired daughter off to ninja school.

* * *

><p>"Sakura, honey, could you get the door please?" Mebuki—Sakura's mother, if she could remember to call her that—called out from the kitchen.<p>

Upon hearing her mother, Sakura paused. She had been in the process of ransacking her room, only recently having managed to escape to the (relative) solitude of her bedroom.

Sakura had read stories of people being sucked into fantasy worlds and anime like this, and she knew the drill: research the world, figure out where she was in the storyline, identify the kinds of skills available to her (was chakra hard to use?), maybe write down anything useful she remembered about the plot and characters for future reference… but no.

As soon as they arrived home, Sakura was stuck listening to her parents bicker with each other. She was then ordered to help her mother make dinner, and then she was told to clean the dishes, and _then _she was kicked out of the kitchen for stressing her mother out (who then proceeded to stress-bake several batches of chocolate chip cookies). When she was finally allowed to retreat to her bedroom, her father demanded she keep the door open because "it wasn't healthy to be cooped up like that." He then went on a tangent about how the doctors said she shouldn't be alone, and how she really should spend more time with her family and was apparently in need of more "social and emotional support."

How the real Sakura managed to balance family life with what she remembered about Naruto's ninja escapades was a mystery.

Sighing in defeat, Sakura exited her room and dragged herself towards the front door. Flinging it open, she found herself face to face with Kakashi Hatake.

Her first reaction?

She was starstruck.

For several moments, Sakura could only gape at him. Outside of Iruka (who really wasn't much of a central figure in Naruto) and her own reflection, Sakura realized that this was the first _main character _she'd come face to face with. And he was tall, and a ninja, and his outfit was _awesome, _and his hair was—well, actually, he could probably use a haircut, but otherwise he was just…

"So cool…"

Kakashi blinked at her. "Um, hello… Sakura-san?"

"Oh!" She flushed. "Um, uh, I'm sorry! Can I help you? Do you want to come in? I.. I can make you some tea!" Sakura said this all very quickly, embarrassed and still not quite over her dazed first impression.

"Thank you for the offer, but I shouldn't be too long. I—"

"Sakura?_" _Mebuki called out, poking her head around the corner. When she saw Kakashi, she scowled fiercely and strolled through the living room towards the front door. "_You!" _She seethed, eyes narrowing in obvious displeasure._ "_I've been meaning to have a talk with _you_."

_Uh… _Sakura gulped, and she saw Kakashi do the same.

"Ah, hello, Haruna-san-"

"Don't you _'Hello, Haruno-san_' me!" Mebuki seethed, forcibly pushing Sakura away from the front door.

"Um, miss-I mean, mother…" Sakura tentatively tugged on Mebuki's sleeve, but the woman ignored her.

Sakura was forced to sit there and listen to Mebuki rant and rave at Kakashi, her face growing redder and redder as the conversation went on.

"…almost got my daughter killed! What kind of jonin-instructor leads their brand new genin team on a B-rank mission? You should have taken them home _immediately—"_

This continued for the next five minutes, and by the end of it, Sakura felt immensely sorry for her new teacher.

"You are completely right, Haruno-san."

Sakura blinked.

"Uh… huh?"

"It was completely unacceptable for us to have put your daughter in such danger without adequate preparation," Kakashi said in an even tone. "After I heard she missed the rest of today's training because she was in the hospital, I came here to personally check on her and make sure she was doing okay. My, something smells wonderful. Are those cookies?"

"Ah, my cookies!" Successfully distracted, Mebuki ran back to the kitchen, leaving Sakura alone with Kakashi once more.

He did not seem inclined to speak with her, though, and was patiently waiting for Mebuki to return from the kitchen. Needless to say, it was awkward.

When Mebuki finally re-entered the room, she had a plateful of warm cookies with her and seemed to be in a much better mood. "Now, where were we, again?"

"I see you managed to save them," Kakashi said, neatly sidestepping the question. "Those look delicious."

"Oh, yes, thank you for reminding me," her mother smiled. "I got a bit carried away with my cooking, it seems. Would you like some?"

"I would _love _some," Kakashi smiled right back at her.

Sakura stared at him with a blank face. _Are you kidding me?_

"You don't happen to have any bakers in the Haruno family tree, do you?" Kakashi said, after having removed his mask and taken a bite of the cookie her mother offered. "These might be the best chocolate chip cookies I've ever tasted."

_Uh-huh, sure they were. He was really laying it on thick, wasn't he?  
><em>  
>Who knew Kakashi could be this suave?<p>

"O-oh, well, I don't know…" Mebuki stammered, mirroring Sakura's earlier dazed expression. "They're nothing special…"

"No, really, they're wonderful—"

Sakura rolled her eyes.

"..Ah, but back on topic…" Kakashi continued, "Given Sakura's condition, I thought it might be good for her to take the next week off and relax some. It's not normally something we do, of course, but I think in this case it'd be perfectly acceptable. She's a wonderful student, at any rate, and the break would be well-deserved."

Mebuki glowed with pride.

"Additionally, I have some… personal matters to attend to, so it works out quite well."

That was all Mebuki needed to hear: the tables turned, her mother thanked him for understanding, noting how rare it was for ninjas to get "time off" and how impressed she was for checking up on her daughter. After promising him that Sakura would be well-taken care of for the next week, Mebuki insisted on sending some cookies home with him, which Kakashi readily accepted.

After Mebuki handed him the container full of cookies and having lathered on a few more compliments, Kakashi gave another enigmatic smile—he was really quite handsome, Sakura noted—before finishing up his last cookie.

Pulling his mask back up, he gave a one-handed wave. "See you next week, then, Sakura-san."

With that, Kakashi turned and left, leaving a dumbfounded Sakura staring after him as he walked off.

Wait… Wait one second. Had she just seen _Kakashi Hatake's_ face? Had he just—wait, what just happened?


	2. That's Not Normal

**Chapter II: That's Not Normal**

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><p>Sakura stared at the clock perched innocently on her nightstand. It was 11:32AM, Day Two.<p>

She was still in Konoha. Sakura was not sure how she felt about this.

After some deliberation, she decided to go with 'hesitantly optimistic', mostly because she couldn't remember anything about her old life anyway, so there was really no point in being depressed about it.

Besides, she had other things to stress over. Like figuring out how she was going to cope with her new situation, since she really had no clue where to start. Her first idea was to get out a notepad and write everything she remembered about Naruto down, in chronological order...

Only this was _really hard_ when she considered how long the anime was, and how much she hadn't paid a lick of attention to.

For instance, she knew her team had already gone to the Land of Waves, and that the next plot point was... the Chunin Exams, maybe? But the anime hadn't exactly had a time table, and she hadn't ever cared enough to look up or even piece together a fan-based one, so for all she knew that was happening _tomorrow_... or in a couple of months.

Hopefully a couple of months, because she was kind of terrified and hadn't even tried using chakra yet.

Speaking of which...

Gathering her courage, Sakura closed her eyes, put her hands together in front of her, and...

...stood their awkwardly for a few seconds. Nothing was happening.

Okay, well. That was fine. Ninjutsu required handseals, after all, which she remembered none of. But still, she should be able to feel chakra or something, right? And she was pretty sure ninjas still did things like walk over water and over trees and.. whatever else ninjas did to show off... without having to use handsigns.

After trying a few more times (admittedly, not for very long), Sakura decided that maybe she should try getting more familiar with the layout of Konoha first. After all, she could probably make a convincing case of being too afraid to fight or use chakra if she cried enough and acted properly traumatized, but not remembering how to get to the grocery store or the Hokage's office was going to be a little harder to explain.

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><p>Konoha was bigger than she expected.<p>

Sakura had been walking around for about an hour before she reached this conclusion. Maybe if she had put more thought into it, she wouldn't have been so surprised. From her _very _vague and mostly unhelpful recollections, she knew she was from a much, much larger city, so if anything Konoha should have seemed smaller than expected, but, well...

...she had sort of pictured Konoha as having, like 100 people in it. You know, a ramen shop, an adult bookstore, a few civilian districts... two or three classrooms, maybe 20 jonin...

Okay, so that was probably a ridiculous expectation, but if there were really _this many people_, why did so few ninja get entered into, say, the chunin exams? Unless there were a lot more civilians than ninja, after all. Or maybe _everyone was secretly a ninja._ Like her dad. Her dad was a genin, right? But he also had a day job, because really, who'd want to send a 40-year-old genin out on missions? That'd just be embarrassing.

Sakura was still lost in thought when she heard a voice that managed to both be familiar and deeply surreal at the same time.

"Sakura-chan!"

Sakura froze in her tracks. Slowly, she turned to look towards the direction of the voice. No, it wasn't... was it?

A bright orange blob with unruly blonde hair was running towards her, waving his arm frantically as he neared. "Hi, Sakura!"

She knew she was still staring at him like he was some kind of ghost and that her jaw hanging open, but she couldn't seem to do anything about it because—

_Because oh god it's the titular character, what do I do?!_

"What are you doing? I can't believe we got the week off... Kakashi-sensei just disappeared."

She was just about to respond (really, she was) when a thought struck her.

"We don't even have any missions... can you believe it?!" Naruto complained, folding his arms together grumpily.

What was she supposed to say? How would Sakura have responded?

"Um, Sakura? Helloooo?"

Oh God. What if he realized _she wasn't Sakura?!_

"Are you okay?" She saw Naruto tilt his head. "You don't seem like yourself today..."

_OH GOD, HE WAS ONTO HER._

"Um, uh, I-I have to go!" Sakura stuttered. "Sorry, I'm really sorry, bye!"

With that, Sakura darted off, leaving a very confused Naruto in her wake. She heard him calling out, but she was too much of a chicken to turn back around, and really, if she was going to run away like a giant coward she might as well not half-ass it.

When she finally realized Naruto was not chasing after her, Sakura slowed down to a walk. Her heart was still racing, and people were looking at her funny, but otherwise nothing bad had happened... well, except for the fact that Naruto probably thought she was off her rocker. So that was great.

_Okay, that was a one-time only thing. The next time I see someone I recognize, I will not freak out and I will have a ordinary conversation like an ordinary human being. I had no problem talking to Kakashi-sensei, after all._

Well, actually, she had stared at Kakashi like he was some kind of movie star, but he hadn't seemed to notice or care.

_Well, that wasn't a very good example_. Still, the next time—

And just like that, another familiar blonde was practically bulldozing her way through civilians as she walked down the road, her two much-less-obtrusive teammates trailing after her.

_Why_ was this happening to her _now_? Was everyone and their mother walking around town today or what?!

Frantically, Sakura looked around. Ino was still walking in her general direction, but the girl in question didn't seem to see her.

Okay, she could do this. She'd just wave at Ino and call her a Pig and say she had to go do some very important ninja-related activity, and then Ino would vouch for her being completely in character and definitely not another person trapped in Sakura's body, and everything would be a-okay.

Before Sakura could say anything, though, a man standing at a nearby vendor had blocked Ino's path. "Miss, do you have a few minutes?"

Ino stared at him intensely for several seconds, her expression very serious. And rather angry...

"Who the hell are you?"

"Oh, um," the civilian stammered. "I was just—"

"Are you a ninja?" Ino interrupted. She tapped her foot impatiently, and Sakura noticed that Shikamaru and Chouji had finally caught up with her. They both looked exhausted.

"Well, no," The man laughed. "I work at that jewelry stand,"—he gestured behind him—"and I was wondering—"

"If you're not a ninja, then why are you bothering me?" Ino glared. "I don't have time for ordinary people."

The salesman—apparently had no idea how to react to that kind of statement—opted to just stare at her awkwardly until Ino rolled her eyes and stalked off.

...straight towards Sakura, who, of course, stared up at her like a deer caught in headlights.

"What are _you_ looking at?" Ino demanded.

And just like that, her courage shriveled up and died.

"N-nothing, no one! I was just, um..." Sakura's eye caught sight of a nearby building. "I just remembered I left something at the library! Sorry, I have to go, bye!"

On second thought, maybe she'd try proving that she hadn't suddenly developed crippling social anxiety tomorrow...

* * *

><p>A half hour later, and Sakura had successfully managed to convince herself that she had intended to go to the library all along. After all, what better place was there to learn about ninjas?<p>

Yes, Sakura nodded sagely to herself, this was a most logical destination. However...

She sighed, looking dejectedly down at the stack of books in front of her. Konoha's history books were, unfortunately, the most boring pieces of literature ever invented. It's like they weren't even _trying. _And where were the books telling her what Sakura's favorite food was supposed to be, and whether or not filler episodes counted as canon?

After some more fruitless skimming, Sakura eventually decided that the young adult section might be more helpful. After all, history books for children would be a lot easier to understand and cover only more useful, general information. Not to mention the fact that they'd be written with the knowledge that the target audience would be just as horribly bored with the material as Sakura was.

She had grabbed a few promising titles off the shelf and was about ready to check out (because all things considered, she did not want be caught reading children's history books in the middle of the library) when she passed a header reading, "Manga."

What? Konoha had manga?

_Well_, Sakura thought, _That makes sense. After all, Kakashi reads that Icha Icha series all the time, so of course they'd have other forms of reading material._

Curiously, Sakura approached the aisle and scanned through the rows. The familiar cover-styles were oddly comforting, and Sakura found herself reaching out for the first volume of one of the larger series' available.

"Majou Shoujo-nin! Secret Guardian of the Land of Lava..."

_Mariko Shiga was just a 15-year-old girl from an merchant family in an small village. Her life was ordinary, until one day she found herself attacked by a band of thieves and saved by Kenji, a mysterious missing-nin. After discovering she possesses a rare bloodline ability that could change the fate of the country, Mariko finds her life turned upside down. Torn between her newfound ninja heritage and her old life, Mariko must preserve the life she knows and protect the town she grew up in from the ravages of civil war. With both new and old allies, Mariko must act as an ordinary girl by day, while fighting to save her country by night under the identity of Majou Shoujo-nin!_

Hmm, interesting...

* * *

><p>"Here's your order!" Ayame smiled at her, gently sliding a bowl of ramen towards Sakura.<p>

Sakura nodded politely at the girl in thanks before allowing her gaze to drift back to the manga that had her thoroughly entranced. She was already on the 5th volume, and although the summary had been a bit cheesy, Majou Shoujo-nin turned out to be awfully addicting.

Somewhere in her bag were two history books. Sakura figured she had done her part by checking them out. Really, her day had been incredibly stressful so far, and she was due for a well-deserved break.

Besides, it's not like reading Majou Shoujo-nin was _completely _useless.

_I mean, _Sakura reasoned, _Think about how much I'm learning about Konoha's culture. After all, popular entertainment says a lot about societal values and common, um... _

"...understand how everything we have to do ends up being so _boring_," Ino complained.

_Ino again?!_

Whipping her head up, she saw that Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji had taken seats at the far side of the bar.

Sakura panicked. She hadn't even touched her ramen yet.

"Our _teacher _didn't even teach us anything today. I thought we were supposed to be _ninja_," Ino continued, glaring heatedly at the counter.

Next to her, Chouji cleared his throat. "W-well... I mean, we can't new learn stuff every day. You've been really angry these past two days... Maybe you should—"

"Shut up!"

Sakura quivered in her seat. Maybe if she just put her head down and quietly ate her ramen, nobody would notice she was there.

She heard Shikamaru sigh to himself. "We're genin, I don't know what you expect. You have to start with the basics."

"I don't have time for the basics," Ino's glare somehow managed to become even fiercer when it was leveled on Shikamaru. Slamming her fist down on the counter, she said, "If that Asuma guy's not going to teach us anything interesting, then I'm just not going to go to trainings."

There was a beat of silence. Chouji looked too frightened to say anything. Shikamaru, on the other hand, looked bored. Or maybe just put out—Sakura really couldn't tell the difference.

"You can't be a ninja without a jonin instructor," Shikamaru pointed out.

"Then I'm just going to have to find a new teacher!"

"You can't just _get _a new jonin teacher, Ino..." Shikamaru explained, far more patiently than Sakura would have expected. "It doesn't work like that. Even if you begged the Hokage, there's no way—"

"What the hell is a Hokage?"

Chouji spluttered out a series of half-formed words that Sakura couldn't understand. She appreciated the sentiment, though.

_Okay, now I'm really confused. _

"The Hokage's the person in charge of a hidden village..." Shikamaru sighed.

Ino wrinkled her nose. "Person in charge, huh?"

..Shikamaru didn't really think Ino was that stupid, did he?

"Yep," Shikamaru said, taking a sip of water.

Okay, apparently he did.

Ino didn't respond right away. Suddenly, she snapped her fingers together, and turned to Shikamaru excitedly. "Oooooh, you're talking about that blonde lady with the huge knockers, aren't you?"

Sakura froze. Blonde... huge... what?

Was... was she talking about Tsunade?!

This elicited another deep sigh from the strangely and utterly unphased Shikamaru. "I really have no idea what you're talking about..."

But Sakura did.

"Ino." Sakura had made her way across the table and was clutching the blonde's shirt. "I need to talk to you. Alone."


	3. Team Ino

**Chapter III: Team Ino**

* * *

><p>"Honey?" Mebuki called out, peeking into Sakura's room as she opened the door. She was holding a plate filled with diced apples, crackers, and cheese. "I brought you two snacks!"<p>

Sakura looked towards her mother from her position on the floor and sighed to herself. She thought about yelling at her mother to please, for the love of god, _knock _before coming in—and hey, actually, how about not coming into her room _at all _because this was like, the third time she'd done this since Sakura had dragged Ino here an hour ago—but what did it matter?

"Thanks, mom." She tried not to sound too dejected.

(Her mom didn't seem to notice. But then, people didn't seem to be noticing much these days.)

"Of course! I'm so glad you invited Ino over to visit..."

Again? Seriously? Sakura cringed. _Bla bla bla.. it's been so long since Ino's been over and it's not normal for girls your age to not have girlfriends... Bla bla bla bla. Is she gone yet? Why do I already have this memorized? _

She looked around her room, her eyes briefly resting on the stack of manga sitting on the floor next to her. Ino had finally stopped going through her belongings and generally invading her personal space and was now lounging comfortably on her bed.

Sakura had hoped that her house would have offered a little bit more privacy, but Mebuki was making things difficult. She had, in all honesty, immediately regretted dragging the blonde to her house. But then, what choice had she had? The whole village would have known by now something weird had been going on...

* * *

><p>-xXx ... Earlier... xXx-<p>

* * *

><p>"What are you talking about? Of course I'm the real Ino!"<p>

"No you're not," Sakura repeated, dragging her further down the alleyway. Did she have to talk so loud? "The real Ino would never have said something like that about Asuma, or quitting the team..." _She had a good twenty four hours, she should have at least managed to figure out the basics... _"And do you even recognize me?! You didn't even say hello earlier."

"Just because I was too busy to talk to you doesn't mean anything," Ino glared at her.

This girl was really annoying.

"And not knowing who the Hokage is? That's pretty careless of you."

"Well I _am _the real Ino!" Ino insisted, ignoring this latest piece of evidence. "And you can't prove otherwise. Shikamaru and that fat kid'll even back me up on it!"

"His name is _Chouji_, and you shouldn't call him that. You're going to make him upset."

"Well, I'd be upset too if I looked like that."

"That's not the..." Sakura stuttered, "Okay, look—"

"Well, you know what _I _think?" Ino interrupted. "I think that maybe _you're _not the real Sakura!"

"_What_?" Sakura scoffed. That was completely uncalled for! "Of course I'm the real Sakura! That's ridiculous. Besides, if I wasn't the real Sakura, then how would I know that that _you're _not the real Ino?"

"Maybe you're just trying to draw suspicion off of yourself! Well, it's not going to work, because I'm onto you."

"Of course I'm going to be suspicious when my _best friend since we were kids _doesn't even say hello properly to me on the street," Sakura said, crossing her arms defensively. "You're lucky that I didn't go straight to the Hokage! It's only because I wasn't sure that I decided to talk to you privately. We _are _friends, after all..."

"Oh," Ino said. She stopped talking and stared at Sakura, apparently not sure where to go from there. "Well, thanks for the concern, but since there's nothing wrong with me, you really didn't have to." After a moment, she added, "So this conversation is over."

With that, Ino shrugged out of Sakura's grip and turned to head back out of the alleyway.

Wait... She hadn't even gotten to talk to her yet! Over? This conversation hadn't even _happened_.

"Wait!" Sakura shouted, dragging an irritated Ino back into the alleyway. "I'm actually not the real Sakura, though."

"Huh?"

..Several beats later..

"Ha! What did I tell you? You were so obvious, it wasn't even funny."

Sakura sighed.

And waited.

"I'm surprised you made it this long without someone calling you out."

And, wait for it...

"OH WOW, COOL! So you're really not from this world either? That's awesome, I thought I was the only one! Do you remember anything the world you came fr—"

That was about as far as Ino got before Sakura lunged for Ino's mouth, acutely aware of the man passing down the main road who had stopped to gawk at them. Damned Ino.

(Obviously, the odd look had everything to do with Ino shouting at the top of her lungs and _nothing _to do with Sakura effectively groping the girl in a dark alleyway.)

"Shhhh, someone's going to hear you!" Sakura whispered before moving to lead her back out of the alley. "Let's go some place quieter..."

* * *

><p>..And so that's how they found themselves in Sakura's room. It had been a painful hour, but she had managed to gather a lot of useful information about Ino.<p>

Sakura learned, for instance, that Ino was also suffering from memory loss and similarly did not remember her own name.

She also learned that Ino did not like to listen when other people talked.

And that she, in all likelihood, did not comprehend how shouting out incredibly sensitive information about the plot of Naruto in the middle of a busy street was kind of a terrible idea.

And, oh, that Ino was just in general _a complete idiot_.

Fortunately, she seemed to be familiar with the Narutoverse only in the most general sense. Ino knew some oddly specific (and incriminating) information, but Sakura was pretty sure that she had only ever seen episodes from Naruto Shippoden. It was hard to be certain, though, because Ino also did not like to answer questions in any way that could be described as useful.

"So, um, Ino..." Sakura said after her she was sure Mebuki had disappeared, "I know we went over this before, but, can you maybe tell me a little bit more about what you know about Naruto?"

"Fine," Ino rolled her eyes. "Naruto's some show that's about a bunch of ninjas who live in ninja villages and get sent on missions. They can turn themselves into objects and duplicate themselves and cast magic spells and stuff. I don't remember the plot because it was too complicated, the fights were way too long and they kept airing the episodes out of order," Ino continued. "Naruto mostly just did something really cool while fighting, and then thought about his childhood for awhile in the middle of battle, and then did some more fighting, and then the episodes ended."

Um, okay...

"It was pretty boring, actually," Ino added. "I can't remember much, but I think I was usually doing homework while it was on."

"You remembered that Tsunade was Hokage, though..." Sakura said, mostly to herself. "And you seem to know enough to not draw too much attention..."

She was starting to get suspicious, actually... Ino _had_ to be smarter than she was letting on. Right?

Ino seemed to have developed mind-reading powers, because the blonde gave her a look that screamed, _'Really, Sakura? Really?' _

"I'm not an _idiot_," Ino huffed. "Of course I'm not going to go spouting out that I'm not Ino and that I'm from another world. Everyone would think I'm crazy or worse, they might believe me and lock me up or something."

_Oh, thank God._

"But that doesn't mean I'm going to sit here and not do what I want to do. Who cares about drawing attention, anyway?"

"Ino... if you keep acting completely out of character, what are people going to think?"

"We're twelve, right?" Ino had resumed walking around her room, bristling with energy again. "Obviously, it means I'm going through puberty."

"_No_," Sakura sighed. They had already gone over this at least three times. _At least. _ "They're going to think—"

"Are these _shuriken?_" Ino said excitedly, apparently having found Sakura's stash as she continued to rifle through her belongings. "This is so exciting!"

Exasperated, Sakura dramatically sank back into the bedpost she had been leaning on with a little too much gusto. There was a loud _crack_ as her skull made contact with the post.

"I mean, all my life I've had to put up with being normal. Everything in my life was just as boring as everyone else's. Nothing about me was special, you know?"

Sakura moaned, cradling the back of her head with both hands.

"And now something cool has finally happened! And it's real! It's not just a trick or my imagination or anything, it's really real!"

Goddamn, that fucking _hurt_. Was her bedpost made of metal?!

"So we can't just sit here and let this opportunity be wasted! We need to go do something with it!"

"Do.. something.. with what?" Sakura said, still moaning.

"I'm a ninja now!" Ino said. "We both are! We've got a chance to fight epic battles and save the world and become heroes. Hell, we could become _super _heroes here!"

"Okay, I think... we need to back up for a second..."

"Back up?" Ino wrinkled her nose. "The only way to go is forward!"

"Yeah, but... no. Just no. Just..." Sakura said helplessly. "Look, it's great that you're really excited about losing your memory and waking up in someone else's body and all, but I don't think you understand exactly where we are. There's a lot of complicated stuff that's going to go down soon, and I mean, I know it's shonen and all, but people are going to _die _and if we just go around doing whatever, one of those people could be _us_—"

"Don't be an idiot. I'm not going to die—I'm the heroine here, and the heroine _never _dies." Ino said before placing both hands on her hips. "I mean, _sometimes _the heroine dies, but if she does she always gets brought back to life. So my point still stands."

"Okay, first of all, this isn't a story anymore." Ino looked like she was about to start arguing with her, so Sakura quickly amended her statement, "And if it _were _still a story, you're not the hero: Naruto is. That's why it's called Naruto. You're not Naruto—you're Ino. _And_," Sakura continued pointedly, "Just so you know, Ino doesn't really do anything. If anything, _I'm _the heroine of this story, and if we're being perfectly honest here, I don't really do anything either, so we really should—"

"But I'm _not _Ino," Ino pointed out. "I'm _Ino 2.0 _and I don't give a damn about what happened in some stupid anime. I'm here now, and I'm not going to be told what to do. Who cares about the plot? It's history."

Sakura groaned in frustration. She was going to pull out her hair... or maybe Ino's. "Technically, it's not history, it's the future**—**"

"Oh, whatever. They say history is written by the winners, right? Since I'm going to be the winner here, Naruto _is_ as good as history."

"..."

Maybe she should try changing tactics?

"Okay, fine. So let's say you go do whatever it is you want to do that involves... um, 'winning' Naruto..."

(_That doesn't even make any sense... No, just go with it, Sakura!_)

"Don't you think," Sakura continued, "That it might be useful to know what _might _happen, so you can use it to your advantage?"

Sakura tentatively looked back at Ino. Oh thank God, she actually looked interested. And she hadn't even interrupted her yet!

"..I guess, maybe. It depends," Ino narrowed her eyes.

_Don't screw this up, Sakura_.

"Also, you might have noticed that some of the technology here is different, right? I mean, they've got television but most people don't seem to watch it very frequently. And they don't have computers like ours, or guns... if we started mentioning technology that doesn't exist, it could be dangerous. So even if you want to re-write the 'plot', it's still important for us to learn more about this world."

"Why the hell would they have televisions but not guns?"

"Um..." Sakura started, "Well I mean... how should I know? I'm not the author."

"That's _stupid_. Why the hell should I waste my time learning a bunch of boring stuff about some world that doesn't follow basic logic when I could be learning how to shoot fireballs out of my hands? Hey," Ino interrupted herself, "You know a lot about this place. Teach me how to walk up walls."

"Er, well, I haven't exactly figured out how to do that yet..."

"Ugh!"—Ino sounded _truly _disgusted— "Well, we're just going to have to work harder. And the first thing we need to do is find someone to teach us how to do stuff."

"Um, actually, that's what our genin teams are for. You know... Shikamaru and Chouji and Asuma..."

Ino immediately rolled her eyes. "You're kidding me, right? I'm not going back there! I spent an entire day with them and all we did is pull weeds and shovel manure. I don't have time for that. No, if we want to do something, we're going to have to do it ourselves. We're going to have to start our _own _team!"

Several seconds passed as Sakura attempted to wrap her head around this.

"Um. Ino, I don't think it works like that."

"It does now."

"No, it really doesn't. And besides, I'm already on Team Seven."

"You'll just have to quit, then. They'll only get in the way of our training, and I'm not interested in teaming up with slackers."

Okay, obviously, Sakura had not explained the way Naruto worked well enough...

"Listen, you can't just... _quit _your genin team. We'll... we'll get fired." They _would _get fired, wouldn't they? That was a thing, right? "You have to be on a genin team in order to be a ninja."

This did not sit well with Ino.

"They can't _force _me to be on a team if I don't want to be," Ino said hotly. "And I'm already a ninja! It's in my blood. What are they gonna do about it, tell me I can't use magic and beat up bad guys unless they say so? I'd like to see them try!"

Sakura took another long, deep breath. "Ino..."

* * *

><p>Two hours later, Ino still refused to drop the idea of creating her own team.<p>

Sakura had, however, convinced her that it would be advantageous to stay on their _actual legitimately real and not totally made up _genin teams, and that they would just have to schedule their own "training time" around that.

"Remember," Ino said as she left Sakura's house, "Team Ino meets tomorrow at 8 AM sharp! If you're late, you'll be sorry!"

Sakura wanted to say, _Actually, I think you have to meet with Team Ten tomorrow morning like normal and I'm pretty sure we decided you weren't going to up and quit. No? You don't remember hearing that? Huh, how weird._

But she didn't. Sakura had decided that although she had never actually attempted to have a debate with a brick wall, it probably would have been similar to arguing with Ino.

_And also, I'd rather be reading the next volume of Majou Shoujo, so with all due respect, Ino, maybe we can continue this conversation never._

"Yeah. See you tomorrow, Ino..."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I'm stoked at the feedback so far and glad some of people enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing... however weird this may soon get. Any questions and I'll try to respond to reviews. I have my last (and busiest) quarter coming up, but I am going to try and update (hopefully) around once a week so that I don't fall into the "just one more week oh whoops look a hiatus" pitfall, but this might mean some of the chapters end up being shorter. But it's the lesser of two evils, I figure, if it comes to that. **


	4. Serious Business

**Chapter IV: Serious Business**

* * *

><p>"Hurry up already!" Ino said, glaring at Sakura from over her shoulder.<p>

With a heavy sigh, Sakura looked up to see Ino staring at her. Wasn't it enough that she had resigned herself to letting Ino drag her around Konoha? Did she really have to run everywhere too? "I'm doing my best to keep up…"

Ino didn't seem to like that answer. Instead of yelling at her again, Ino grabbed Sakura's wrist and proceeded to drag her down the path. When she saw the sign for the training grounds—and the three other people occupying the area—Sakura nearly groaned in relief.

Ino ran full-force until they reached the three figures before abruptly letting go of Sakura's wrist.

"Oh, hello, Ino," Asuma-sensei smiled. He didn't seem very surprised to see her. "What a surprise to see you here!"

Shikamaru and Chouji were sitting several feet away from him, in what appeared to be some sort of meditative position.

"How is Team Ino coming along?" Asuma asked.

Sakura gave Asuma a blank look. He was taking this awfully well, wasn't he? Especially since Sakura was pretty sure what Ino was doing was grounds for being fired… or whatever it was that happened to insubordinate ninjas.

"Our team needs a place to train and all of the other training grounds are reserved," Ino said. "We're kind of in a hurry, so you guys need to leave."

Chouji's jaw drop a few inches. Well, this wasn't going to end well…

At least, that's what Sakura thought until she looked at Asuma, who just continued to smile at the two of them.

"Why aren't you guys mowing lawns or something, anyway?" Ino continued. "Shouldn't you be doing missions right now?"

"Uh…" Chouji cleared his throat, "Don't you mean _we _should be doing missions..?"

"Actually," Asuma interrupted, "Shouji and Chikamaru are going over the basics of harnessing chakra."

Sakura saw Shikamaru cover his face with both hands and groan loudly.

Ino looked like she was contemplating something incredibly important. "Chakra, huh?" She said, biting her lip.

"Yeah," Shikamaru looked uncomfortable, "_Chouji_ and I could use the extra practice."

"Of course," Asuma agreed. "After all, you won't be able to learn any new jutsu without working on your chakra control first."

"Jutsu?" Ino lit up.

"You know," Asuma continued, "You and Sakura are welcome to join us if you'd like. We'd be happy to have you."

"That'd be great!" Sakura said quickly. She and Ino had no idea what they were doing. It had been two days since the formation of Team Ino, and so far, all they had learned was that training grounds had to be reserved, and that as a general rule, shinobi did not like to be ordered around by "a couple of ten-year-olds."

"Watch it," Ino grabbed her shoulder, "I'm the Team Leader, and I decide what we're going to do. This isn't a democracy."

With that, Ino turned back towards the remaining members of Team Ten. She gave Shikamaru and Chouji a good, long look before seemingly coming to a decision. "Alright, then, Asuma-sensei. I'll let you use the training grounds at the same time as Team Ino as long as you promise to teach us, too. But I'm still the team leader here, so don't get any funny ideas about bossing us around."

"That sounds reasonable," Asuma smiled at her.

What—seriously?!

"So, how do we start?"

"Please take a seat," Asuma said, gesturing towards the two males on the ground.

* * *

><p>"Argh!" Ino spluttered, mouth full of water as she surfaced from the pond. "Why is this taking so long?!"<p>

"Seriously…?" Shikamaru muttered under his breath. Next to him, Sakura and Chouji nodded in agreement. The three of them hadn't even gotten to water walking yet. What was Ino even complaining about?

"You're doing _wonderfully, _Ino. I haven't seen anyone make this much progress in just a few days."

"Hmph. I guess."

With that, Ino returned to the surface, immediately resuming her practice routine.

Personally, Sakura thought she was crazy, but the pace she kept _was _pretty impressive. Who knew Ino had that much stamina?

At some point, Asuma had moved to stand behind her. "And how are you things going with you, Sakura?"

"Er, well… Um…" Sakura bit her lip, glancing up at the tree in front of her with apprehension. Thank God no one here seemed to know that Sakura should have mastered this already… Kakashi-sensei must not report much to anyone.

_I guess the Land of Waves hadn't happened that long ago, so it makes sense that the other teams might be working on similar skills. Still… _

Wasn't Sakura instantly able to walk up a tree in the anime, with her perfect chakra control and all? And since when did Ino have the stamina of Naruto and Sasuke?!

Not only was her chakra control shit, but she hadn't managed to accomplish much of anything these past few days. Okay, that wasn't totally true: at one point she managed to blow a whole layer of bark off of one of the trees.

_And don't forget that one time I propelled myself off of the tree so hard I flew back into the pond. That was pretty impressive! I haven't managed to do it again, but that's beside the point, right?_

"Don't worry, Sakura," Asuma pat her on the back. "You'll get the hang of it."

"Y-yeah…" Sakura mumbled. "I think I'm going to take another break… I'm starting to get a headache."

"Again?" Asuma's brow furrowed. "You've had a headache almost every day now. Do you think you need to see a doctor?"

"Er, n-no, it's fine, really. Actually, I was wondering…" Sakura quickly changed the subject, "Are you really okay with Team Ino? It seems like you could get in trouble for this…"

"That's an interesting question," Asuma began, "It's true that this is rather unorthodox, but after looking into it, as long as Ino is still participating, the situation is salvageable. As far as I know, as long as the missions assigned to our team get completed, the details are left to us."

Uh…

"So… you're okay with Ino just _not_ going on missions with you guys and telling everyone she's got her own team, then?"

"Perhaps we should think of it in a different way." Asuma smiled. "I think it's much more sensible to let Ino have some freedom to do what she wants."

..How on earth is that supposed to be the sensible option?

"As long as Ino feels like she has some control, she seems to be more willing to work with everyone. She's even been training with us every day, just like she's supposed to. Not only that, but she's made some huge strides in her training."

_I guess that's true… But what kind of ninjas would be okay with that? Wasn't there some kind of pecking order?_

"I'm sure after some time, she'll get used to the idea of being a part of Team Ten again, and will get over whatever phase she's going through. There's no real need to go reporting her or causing needless trouble for anyone. Besides, who knows? At this rate, she might surprise us all and form her own team for real."

_WHAT!?_

"Ah, sorry," Asuma laughed. "I was only joking."

Joking, right…

"I think I'm ready to go home now…"

* * *

><p>It was early in the morning, and Sakura was slowly making her way towards Training Grounds Three. As much as she liked complaining about Team Ten's rigorous routine, Sakura would have been okay with one more day of it, because she <em>really <em>wasn't ready for this.

You know, meeting with Team Seven officially for the first time.

And if that wasn't enough to make her nervous, imagining the fit Ino was going to throw if she noticed her absence was enough to send her into panic mode. Sakura "forgot" to tell Ino about having to resume her meetings with Team Seven. Ino probably would have ordered her to quit the team, anyway, and Sakura hadn't felt like trying to argue with her. It was easier to just avoid the problem. Or push it off for a later date and hope Ino didn't show up to punish her.

* * *

><p>Sakura could feel the blood draining from her face when she got to the training grounds.<p>

"You're late," Ino snarled, pointing an accusing finger in her direction. "Penalty!"

_The very worst crime, _Sakura sighed.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto grinned, waving from across the field as he ran towards her, Sasuke following a few feet behind him. "It's been forever! Hey, do you know what they're doing here?"

Naruto was gesturing towards Ino. Standing behind her were Asuma, Shikamaru, and Chouji.

No, she did _not _know what they were doing here…

"Um…"

"Sorry I'm late, everyone." Kakashi-sensei said, having abruptly appeared before them in a puff of smoke.

"You should be!" Ino put both hands on her hips, "We've been waiting here for ten minutes. What's wrong with you?"

"Only ten minutes?" Naruto gaped. "That's got to be some kind of record!"

"I know, I know…" Kakashi sighed.

"I hope you know you're buying everyone lunch now," Ino continued.

"Could somebody please tell me what's going on?" Sakura finally spoke up. "I thought I was supposed to be meeting with Team Seven."

Ino was almost certainly about to spout something off about Team Ino (if the look on her face was any indication), but Asuma spoke up before she could say anything. "Ah, about that. We've decided to schedule some joint trainings with both Team Seven and Team Ten, at least for the next few days."

Ino glared.

"And Team Ino," Asuma added with a smile.

Kakashi had an odd look on his face for a moment before it morphed back into his signature nonchalance. Naruto seemed confused, too, but Sasuke gave him a look Sakura couldn't decipher and he dropped it without another word.

Sakura was pretty sure everyone was crazy.

"Actually," Asuma continued, "Our team trainings might have to be put on hold." As he spoke, he pulled out a mission scroll. "Team Ten has some missions to do today, after all."

..Then what was the point of coming all the way out here?

* * *

><p>As she watched Team Ten depart—<em>with <em>Ino in tow, mind you—Sakura had to admit, she was impressed.

She didn't think it was even possible to change Ino's mind once it was set, but Asuma had proved her wrong.

_"I know these sorts of missions are boring for you, Ino," Asuma began after having called for a brief meeting, sans Team Seven, who were now lounging on the other side of the field. Well, except for Sakura, but she was Team Ino now. Apparently. "But they're more important than you think."_

_Ino didn't look like she believed him._

_"Now, I know you don't believe me," he continued, "But there's another hidden reason behind these sorts of missions. Just looking at them, they appear to be mundane, right? But for every mission you complete, you get a mark on your record. And for every fifteen marks, your chakra pool rises by several points."_

_Shikamaru opened his mouth and then closed it without saying anything._

_"Really?"_

_"Really!" Asuma smiled. "Unfortunately, Sakura will not be able to join us. Chakra-raising missions can only be completed by three genin and a jonin instructor, so Sakura will have to do her own with Team Seven. I hope you understand." _

_Something about that definitely didn't sound right…_

* * *

><p>With that, Team Ten left, and Sakura was finally going to get a chance to get to know the rest of her teammates. In theory, anyway…<p>

Training with Kakashi was proving to be quite a bit different than with Asuma. He seemed to take a much more laissez-faire approach, on the whole.

For instance, all Kakashi had done in the time since Team Ten left was move from the center of the Training Grounds to a nearby bench.

Sakura wasn't sure what to say to any of them, so she waited for one of her other two teammates to crack.

"Well, now what?" Naruto finally broke.

"Huh?" Kakashi looked up from the book in his hands.

"Aren't we going to train or something?" Naruto said. "Do we have a mission too?"

"Oh, right. Train. Of course," Without looking up from his book, Kakashi waved a hand at them, "Give me 25 laps."

Both boys groaned.

"What are you waiting for? Go on, shoo!"

Laps? Seriously? Chakra training was painful enough, but now she had to run too? This was like P.E., only about ten times worse.

"Um, I…" Sakura mumbled, "I-I can't run today… I'm sick..."

"Oh, sorry to hear that," Kakashi said. "Sakura gets to sit this one out!"

Wow, that was easy.

"WHAT!?"

"She's not sick!"

Sakura gave a weak cough and shivered for good measure.

"Why are you two still standing here? Now it's 30 laps."

Sasuke and Naruto scampered off, and Kakashi returned to his book. Which, she noticed, did not have a bright orange cover.

"What are you reading?" Sakura asked; she didn't really need to, though, because she could read the cover as clear as day: it was a thick, wordy looking text called '_The Rise of the Five Great Shinobi Nations_.' "That doesn't look like Icha Icha to me."

"Sakura, what kind of person do you take me for?" Kakashi gave a dramatic sigh. "I don't only read porn, you know…"

"R-right, of course…" So, should she just go home? Kakashi hadn't dismissed her, and she didn't want to get into trouble for not training. Or have to deal with her parents…

Sakura looked around for a moment, unsure of what to do, before reaching into her bag and pulling out her own book.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: In case anyone's wondering: yes, there are more "OCs" than Ino and Sakura, with various motivations and knowledge of the Narutoverse... and there actually is a plot, believe it or not—the seriousness of which is debatable. I really am curious to see if anyone's able to guess what's going on here. Not that'd it's possible for every reader or even necessary… Anyway! Ciao!**


	5. Time for Some Obfuscating Stupidity

**Chapter V: Time for Some Obfuscating Stupidity**

* * *

><p>It was seven in the morning, and Ino was pissed.<p>

Much to the blonde's displeasure, the last week of training had not resulted in immediate, instantaneous progress in Ino's quest to become the Strongest Ninja to Ever Grace the Narutoverse (TM). This was unacceptable, so Ino had decided that the obvious course of action was to show up at Sakura's house before their designated training sessions to complain about it.

"And all he said was, 'Of course, Ino! What would you like to learn?' How am I supposed to know that? He's the teacher, not me!" Ino huffed. "And then he tried to make me meditate. Can you believe it? What is with everyone and meditation around here, anyway? I swear, the next person who tells me to do another set of deep breathing exercises is _dead_."

"Uh-huh..." Sakura nodded. Anxiously, she fiddled with the hem of her pajamas and took a quick glance at the clock on her wall. Ino _was _going to leave soon, wasn't she? Knowing her, she'd probably leave right before training... leaving Sakura with no time to get ready.

"Are you even listening to me?" Ino nearly shouted, and Sakura snapped back to attention.

"Huh?" Sakura stammered. "I mean, yes!"

"So, tell me some already."

Sakura stared at her. _Okay, so maybe I wasn't listening. But I definitely can't tell Ino that... she'd kill me._

It only took a few seconds for Ino's patience to wear thin. "You _do _know about jutsu, right?"

"Y-yeah, of course!" Sakura said quickly. _I was totally listening to you this whole time, Ino, I swear. _ "I know all the jutsu! Like, um..."

"Is there a jutsu that will let me blow things up?" Ino interrupted. "I want to learn how to shoot fireballs."

"Yeah! I think. Maybe," Sakura paused. "Well, Sasuke can use fire release."

"What's that?"

"Um, he does some handsigns and then blows fire out of his mouth—"

Ino instantly perked up.

"But I think that's a clan jutsu—Hey, wait, where are you going?"

Ino was already halfway out the door. "I'm going to go find Sasuke."

Oh boy. "I don't think Sasuke's going to teach you that."

"I don't care what you think," Ino glared, continuing to walk out of the room.

"W-wait! There are way cooler jutsu though, and if Sasuke can use it, it can't be _that _cool because.. because he's only twelve. Right! I mean, how cool can it really be if a kid like him can do it?"

Ino finally stopped walking. "I don't know..." She said, sounding skeptical as she turned back towards Sakura."What could be cooler than blowing fireballs out of your mouth?"

"W-well... like..."

Well, crap. Ino had a point. Blowing fire out of your mouth was pretty damned cool. Any second now, Ino was going to go walk out and harass Sasuke. Who, she noted dully, was on Team Seven. And the last thing she wanted to do was have to deal with Ino _and _Team Seven for the rest of the day. Sakura had to think of something, and fast.

What would Ino think was cool? Water walking? No, she could already do that...

"Er... water release?"

Ino crossed her arms, looking decidedly unimpressed.

"..Wind release?" Sakura looked up at Ino tentatively. Nope, still unimpressed. Okay, so maybe for sheer destructive force, not much was going to beat out fire...

Uh... What were the other elements again? Oh!

"Mokuton!" Sakura blurted out. "Yeah! Wood release is way cooler than fire release."

"It doesn't sound very cool."

"That's just because you don't know what it can do!" Sakura insisted. "Imagine being able to shoot wood out of your arms. Or make trees sprout from the ground in an instant, or even better, being able to craft entire buildings!"

"Hmmm," Ino looked calculating. "That sounds interesting. How do I learn that?"

"Oh, er, well..." Sakura froze, realizing her mistake. "It's actually more of a bloodline limit, so you can't learn it. And um, if I remember correctly, only like two people have it, so..."

"Only two people?" Ino's eyebrows shot up. "Then it must be really powerful!"

"Maybe we should talk about something else..."

"Who knows it?" Ino pressed.

"B-besides," Sakura stuttered, "It's not _that _cool. Sure, you can make tree houses and buildings and stuff.. but I mean, you can make stuff with water release too. Like, um, ponds and streams. You could hold car washes—"

"I don't care if it's a bloodline limit. I'll find a way around that later."

"What about the clone technique?" Sakura interrupted. "Clones are cool, right?"

Without saying anything, Ino placed both hands together and quickly made several handsigns. After a light puff of smoke came and dissipated, two Inos stood in front of Sakura.

"Clones are boring," Ino said in explanation. "You can't fight with them. They're not even solid."

"That kind of clone isn't solid, yeah," Sakura said, "But shadow clones are."

"Shadow clones?" Ino scrunched her nose. "Why would _shadow_ clones be solid but _regular_ clones aren't?"

"Look, the point is—"

"Wait, I can make real, living clones of myself?" Ino said excitedly. "Like more than one?" After a moment, Ino's face lit up again as a thought struck her. "You're right, you know, I do remember Naruto doing that!"

"Right," Sakura hesitantly agreed. "_Naruto_ can... because he has a lot of chakra, and because he learned the technique by reading it out of the scroll of sea—" Sakura abruptly cut herself off. Telling Ino about secret, forbidden scrolls was a very bad idea. As was this entire conversation, actually.

"Scroll?" Ino jumped on her last word. "What scroll?"

Sakura could just see it now: _"Sakura, I need you to get me that scroll. Bring it to Team Ino's meeting tomorrow. If you don't have it with you... you'll be sorry!"_

Yeah... no, that wasn't happening.

"Scroll?" Sakura repeated in a bewildered (and much practiced) tone, scrunching her eyebrows up in confusion. "Huh?"

"Don't play dumb with me," Ino narrowed her eyes and approached Sakura with slow, purposeful strides.

"Ow—no, really, I don't know what you're talking about! I got confused and I didn't—"

"Stop lying!" At this point, Ino had managed to corner Sakura and was currently grabbing her by the cuff of her pajama top. "_What _scroll? I've seen Asuma with mission scrolls before, so it makes sense that ninjas use scrolls for other things, too. Well, say something already!"

"I-I can't tell you!" Sakura blurted out, terrified as Ino lifted her up before slamming her back into the wall. "It's classified!"

That was apparently the wrong thing to say, because Ino responded by roughly flipping her over and twisting Sakura's arm behind her back.

"Ahhhgh, w-wait, please stop!" Sakura wailed, and Ino gave her arm another twist. "Okay, okay! There are scrolls... Ow, th-that have a bunch of techniques on them but Ino, they're really dangerous and we wouldn't have enough chakra for them and that's why they're—I mean, that's why they were all destroyed."

Ino was quiet for a full minute before she let go of Sakura's arm and stepped away. With a relieved groan, Sakura dropped to the floor and tentatively looked back at Ino. She was staring at her with cold eyes.

"I don't believe you," Ino said calmly before turning and walking away.

Sakura was almost afraid to ask, but... "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to find someone who isn't _completely useless _to help me find a ninja scroll," Ino said. "Basically, anyone who isn't _you_!" With that, Ino stepped out of Sakura's room and slammed the door behind her.

* * *

><p>Sakura sighed to herself for the upteenth time, glumly looking down from her position on the roof. Below her, Sakura's two teammates were grumbling quietly to themselves as they worked. Their D-rank mission for the day? Re-paint an old, wooden fence for one of the locals. Sakura, of course, couldn't help them because she had pulled a muscle in her arm approximately thirty minutes after they had started painting the day before. Well, at least that's what she told Kakashi, who had nodded understandingly and let her off.<p>

Also, paint fumes were _toxic, _and this _was _the second day they'd been assigned a painting mission. Sakura had come prepared to tell Kakashi all about the Sick building syndrome (SB) symptoms she was currently experiencing, but they were outside now and Kakashi hadn't asked, anyway.

"So, what's got you down?"

A few feet to her right, Kakashi was lounging comfortably next to her on the roof, book open and propped up on one knee.

"Oh..." Sakura sighed again. "It's nothing, Kakashi-sensei..."

"Hmm," He gave her a long, one-eyed stare. After a moment, he looked back at his book, shrugging to himself. "If you say so."

"It's just..." Sakura bit her lip, "What does it even mean for a person to be _useless_, anyway?"

"Well," Kakashi said, flipping a page in his book—the title of which she couldn't make out, because Kakashi had replaced the sleeve with Icha Icha Violence. "I suppose that depends on the context."

"No, it doesn't," Sakura said, her irritation seeping out. "Objects can be useless, but people? People are just people." When Kakashi didn't say anything, Sakura continued, "Okay, take a flat iron, for example. It's useful. It's got ceramic plates that heat up to over 200 Celsius, and when used properly, it makes wavy hair sleek and straight. It has a specific use and it does what it's supposed to do, which is what makes it useful."

"Mhmm," Kakashi nodded.

"But human beings don't _have _a purpose. At least not one that we know of. We just sort of wander around and continue on the species, I guess."

"Ah, the meaning of life. The ultimate question. Why are we here? What's our purpose?"

"Well, yeah..." Sakura mumbled. _That wasn't exactly where I was going with that, but..._

"Looking at it from a purely biological perspective, one could argue that our purpose is to procreate."

"Um, sure..." _Could he maybe not smile while he says that, and maybe put down Icha Icha?_ _I know it's just the cover, but it's still pretty creepy..._

"You _do _realize that you're arguing semantics, though, Sakura?" Kakashi said.

What? "No, I'm not."

"Try changing the word 'useful' to 'helpful.' It's perfectly normal to describe a person as helpful or unhelpful depending on the situation. We generally tend to use useful to describe inanimate objects or information, and helpful to describe actions. You can say someone is being useful too and have it mean the same thing."

"Well, fine," Sakura said. "So when would you describe a person as _helpful_? When you're helping an old lady carry her groceries home?"

"That's a bit more literal than I was going for," Kakashi said, scratching his chin. "How about this? You have three employees. The first employee is a slacker, the second meets the job requirements, and the third goes above and beyond the call of duty. Let's say maybe he puts in more hours at work, and takes on more responsibility than he needs to."

"Okay..."

"One might say that the third employee is more helpful than the others," Kakashi finished. "One _might _even say that the third employee is more useful."

Kakashi took note of Sakura's quickly darkening expression—and promptly ignored it. "And on a completely different note," he continued, "If your entire argument hinges on the assertion that only objects can be deemed useful or useless, you're forgetting one very important fact."

"Oh, and what's _that_, Kakashi-sensei?"

"We aren't humans. We're ninjas," Kakashi stated. "And as you're well-aware, ninjas are tools of the village, therefore it is perfectly reasonable to describe them as useful or useless in terms of their contribution to the village."

Judging from her frown, this piece of knowledge did not set well with Sakura.

"Take this mission, for example," Kakashi continued, against his better judgment, "Sasuke and Naruto are down there hard at work, completing a task assigned to us by the village. I'd say it's fair to describe them as useful. You, on the other hand, are lounging about on the roof. As entertaining as our discussions tend to be and as far as the village is concerned, you, Sakura, are rather useless by comparison."

When Sakura said nothing, he added, "Technically speaking, of course."

"Sakura is _not useless!"_ Sakura yelled out, her face flushing. "Sure, she might not have a Sharingan or a ridiculous chakra pool or be able to summon a billion shadow clones, but she had some of the best scores at the Academy and she's got amazing chakra control and you don't see Sasuke or Naruto punching people through walls, do you!? And do you think learning medical ninjutsu is easy? Because it's _not_!"

"Interesting," Kakashi said.

"And what about _you_?!" Sakura turned on him. "I don't see you doing anything useful!"

"Of course I am," Kakashi said evenly. "I'm supervising."

Sakura retort died on her lips as she stared at him, dumbfounded.

"I also taught you the meaning of the term useful," he added.

Sakura abruptly stood up. "I'm done training for the day," She said to no one in particular before stalking off of the roof.

Kakashi didn't stop her; he only watched her with a thoughtful expression until her figure disappeared.

* * *

><p>Sakura was halfway home before she calmed down long enough to realize her mistake.<p>

Oh god, how the hell was she supposed to explain that? Kakashi probably thought she was _crazy_. Cursing to herself, Sakura whirled around and started running back towards the property where Team Seven was currently stationed.

First Ino, and now Kakashi—if only there was a way to go back in time. Alternatively, Sakura would also be okay with curling up in a ball and dying. That was it: from now on, she wasn't saying _anything _to _anyone_. It was time to play dumb.

Sakura dashed down the main road in town, pausing only when she saw Asuma out of the corner of her eye. That was odd—it seemed too early for Team Ten to be done for the day.

_Unless Ino made an other scene? _Sakura instantly deflated. Great, that was just what she needed. She should probably go talk to him...

Sakura watched as Asuma waved at someone she didn't recognize before nonchalantly entering one of the side alleyways. Sakura waited a few seconds before following him into the alley—only to discover that it wasn't an alley so much as a dead-end between buildings.

Curiously, Sakura watched as Asuma kept walking with long, purposeful strides. No one else seemed to be there. What was he doing, anyway?

"Aha, there it is," She heard Asuma say to himself.

Uncomfortable with the silence, Sakura opened her mouth to call out and announce her presence, but before she got a chance to, Asuma disappeared into thin air.


End file.
